Open letter to the Carolina Panthers

Dear Carolina Panthers front office,

For the love of professional football, please send Jake Delhomme, aka Mr. Bojangles, and John Fox a SitChoAssDown memo, pronto!
I mean, what the hell, man?! I've been a fan of this team since its inaugural season. I remember watching the first game with my stepfather. We had so much hope and promise for these Carolina Panthers. From Dom Capers on up to Foxy, I've been a fan. From Kerry Collins to Rodney Peete to Mr. Bojangles, I've been faithful. But this season has made me question my allegiance.
What's wrong Cats? Is somebody threatening you? Are you as tired of Jake and Fox Man as I am? Are you intentionally playing horribly so that you can get Foxy fired? If so, I understand, but if not, get yourselves together. We gotta salvage the season.
Explain to me how we have one of the best receivers and two of the best running backs in the NFL and we are still 2-4. The only explanation I have is piss poor coaching and QB still choking on whatever it was he had the night before the playoffs. What's the problem, Jake?
If this dude were a QB on anyone else's team, he would have lost that starting position after he threw half the picks he's thrown this season. Seven weeks into the season, Delhomme throws on average two interceptions per game. That wouldn't be that bad if he were throwing four touchdowns per game.
And what's with the offensive line? What happened to blocking? I understand you're probably more pissed at Mr. Bojangles than I am but dammit, he's your QB. I don't expect you to get on ESPN and cry in his defense like T.O., but dayum, take care of him so he can get a good look down the field and get the dang ball to Steve Smith and Mushin Muhammad. Gah! Just do ya freakin' job!
And let's not even get started on the D-line. Julius Peppers, my future ex-husband, what's wrong honey? Are you so focused on blowing that pop stand next year that you don't even want to play well this year? I know you have to stay healthy so you'll be a hot commodity so Jerry Jones can pay you an ungodly amount of money to go to Dallas, but Gah-lee, put in some work for the team you play for now.
If you all don't start to turn things around and soon, you may force me to forfeit my fandom for the remainder of the season and I'll be a woman without a team. You guys don't want that, do you? So you either shape up or I'm shipping out.

Reluctant Fan,

Smarty P. Jones


Anonymous said...

As much as I hate to admit it, I’m with you. I’m so disappointed I’m at a loss for words. We’re a team in shambles. Delhomme can dip, I don’t care. I’ve always had love for Fox, but he’s making it really hard for me to love him right now. I’m just so worried Steve’s gonna want out too. Then I’ll just be heartbroken.

Smarty Jones said...

Well, the good think about this, Smitty's contract isn't up until 2012. Peppers is out. I think Moose has one year left on his contract and I think Stewart and Williams are here for a few years. They can send Jake's ass home though. Let him go to Bojangle's and mop floors or something.

12kyle said...

As a Falcons fan, I feel no sympathy for our rival. We don't like the Panthers and they don't like us. LOL

However, I told everybody that they should have made a run at Mike Vick. They would have gained some new fans (the ones who never liked the Falcons but loved Vick). And they would have been able to stick it to the Falcons. We would've had to face Vick twice a yr.

The Panthers were too caught up in the image stuff. Nevertheless, they gave this clown 20 mil? Dumb move

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